I Pick Me

I Pick Me was a writing prompt by Amy Ferris at a workshop. I am posting my response below because recently I have been inspired by entries for my Instagram giveaway where I asked people to post their blessings. Many people have posted that loving and accepting themselves as one of their blessings. I agree. How wonderful to be thankful today for all the reasons to love yourself, to pick yourself and choose you, exactly as you are.

I pick me because I’m one of the nice ones. And I hold a secret strength that isn’t so secret. I can and will turn into a bad ass Goddess Warrior in half a heartbeat if my loved ones or ideals are threatened.

When you look up integrity, there’s a picture of me that morphs like a photograph in Harry Potter’s World. Sometimes I’m a bohemian gypsy floating on the backside of the wind adorned with hippie jewelry and a head of flowing hair that would make Samson bow in deference. Sometimes I’m as strong as a stone in a sweat lodge pit taking heat and pressure for my family and community’s healing with spread wings large enough to shield humanity.

I pick me because my word is the reflection of my honor.

I pick me because I need to remember how to be gentle and receive the hugs and reassurance that I give others.

I pick me because there’s still a little girl inside hiding in the back of the closet afraid of her mother’s raging and screaming.  I pick me because I’m still terrified to get into trouble. And that makes me want to heal the world All… By… My… Self.

I pick me for all the healing the world has to offer: a massage, a caress, a warm bath, a kind word, a kiss, glue to mend a broken heart for everyone who has left or lied.

I pick me to let all that shit go and stop identifying with my fucking pain stories. I pick me to be free of shackles and stop carrying others when I’m not strong enough.

I pick me for the soft tenderness of a Sacred Rabbit holding me in a cocoon.

I pick me because I am one of the Sunshine Girls, Most Enthusiastic, like Tigger sometimes in excess, who needs to learn it doesn’t matter if everyone likes me – it only matters if I like me. And yes, it still feels good when someone you admire picks you.

I pick me because I’m the one to dance on the tables with you and finish that bottle of wine or two. I will hold your secrets and defend you, even against yourself. I will pick up the phone at 4am and just listen.

I pick me because I’m up for adventures of the body – like swimming in the ocean in the middle of a Christmas work party; adventures of the mind – like seeking a meeting ground with a stubborn Republican redneck; adventures of the soul – like finding where I’ve hidden the truth from myself, saying I’m sorry and embracing the huge success and happiness I imagine for myself and the world.

I pick me because I seek and find courage. I pick me because I pick myself up every damn time. I pick me to see grace in the world and myself. I pick me to trust in the fragile balance of raw living.  

I pick me because my heart is beautiful.