Becoming the Queen

I stand at the entrance of a cave symbolic of my deepest knowing as a woman. The tunnel is dark. Who knows how long the walk into the depths of Mother Earths womb? This is where as a woman of fifty years, I will hold my blood, aka my wisdom, my silent knowing. I will stand in my power without need to prove anything. It is the beginning of the end of my menarche. And the start of my years as a Queen. Each time my moon blood decides to return, I am offered the opportunity to face, accept and release unresolved issues from my maiden years. Who could be a better teacher than my own children? I am currently drinking a cup of coffee on the Big Island where Goddess Pele is creating new earth from her fiery womb.

I consider the emotions of fear and love that arise as I release my sons to their own lives as young men. I know they must find their way. I want to protect them and pick up all the pebbles and stones they could possibly trip on. I cannot do this and hold respect for their journey at the same time. My son Kobe fled Pele's lava path and is now trying to make a home for himself in Kona. I fear his relationship with his girlfriend is co-dependent. I must accept myself for every time as a young woman I wallowed in my victim story. I must let go of judgments for the many times I did not feel strong enough to stand on my own or when I let others carry me. I must love myself through the struggles to free myself from my cocoon and let go of the anger for the stones I tripped over. I remember myself as a butterfly - sweet, free and kind.

Skyler is soaring. He is happy and kind in a way that I haven't seen since he was very young. There is an innocence, passion and a sweetness that reflects the best of what I love about myself. I am in awe of his relationship with his people and ability to take in love and happiness.I am viscerally reminded of the exuberance and spontaneity of myself as a young woman. When I watch Skyler's girlfriend Danika dance I feel awe. I remember the times when I was too wounded to feel my freedom or allowed others opinions to sway my sense of worth. I now offer salve for those wounds. I am proud of the strength in my gentleness. And yet, I also remember that I am okay regardless of accomplishments.

As a blessed Queen, a wise woman, I am enough. I carry these stones with me: Mookite, Landscape Jasper, Kyanite, Tangerine Quartz, Apache Tear, Apatite. They help me ground, speak my truth with clarity and precision, soothe the places where I cut these Mama Bear cords, cry when I must and remind me of the pure light and love that is the origin of my desire. I pull a Kuan Yin card ever day. I anoint a candle with an oil from Sacred Well called Her Sparkling Crown and light it every day at the altar here in our AirBnB in Hilo, Hawaii.We leave for Kona today. I know this side of the Island will offer new lessons. I am capturing the moment of my first steps as Queen. I feel the girdle around my belly, the seat of my power, and the bejeweled crown that directs my light and words and actions of wisdom.