I didn’t want to leave. Well, that’s not exactly true. I desperately wanted to be free, but I didn’t want to break up my family.
I didn’t want my sons to live through the pain of fractured love or the anxiety of insecurity that comes when the stability you once trusted disappears into the black void of nothingness. But I couldn’t wake my husband up. I couldn’t make him see that staying disengaged from life was no way to live. We need spontaneity and divine connection to each other, to nature.
We need to be wild to be free, and we need to be free to truly live. But I couldn’t wake him up. So I carried him. I carried them all.