I know no other way than to write out my feelings about experiences both high and low.. in fact, if truth be told, these feelings come bursting out of me as little entities intent on their own expression, their own existence.
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies….” These are my feelings – rays of rainbow light dancing across the earth.
I used to feel completely overwhelmed and exposed by the sheer vulnerability of this style of writing. Then I got it in my head that writing which originated from experience versus the void wasn’t true creativity. This destructive notion moved me like the archetypical river beneath the river that Clarissa Pinktola Estes speaks of, pushing and swaying my lifeboat without my consciousness effort to direct a course or path truest to my heart’s desire. I still occasionally relinquish responsibility under the guise of an easy going attitude. Life is such a balance.
“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.”
It is no coincidence to me that an email that my article which shares my journey from the bleakest state of my existence to the empowerment and freedom will finally be published in Sagewoman Magazine arrived the day before I left to teach a class on writing through catharsis at the Northern California Women’s Herbal Symposium – the very woods where I gained my strength to molt and grow new feathers – to blossom and grow as was intended.
“And then day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Honestly I was surprised I had so much to teach on the subject I had avoided looking at. The class went entirely too fast. There was so much to share about the healing journey of writing. It seemed we barely touched on the subject, leaving the actual writing for the women to experience and test on their own.. just as I would ask the Muse why I should write the two books I have begun to pen…and why these rainbow lights must dance.
I am inspired to write the book about hosting traveling cyclists because they are the fire and lifeline to my gypsy soul. My recent visit with Penny from Taiwan motivated me to finally research the details for my first multiple day bike ride. Huzzah! Hosting cyclists feeds a urge in me to provide shelter and kindness to wanderers as passed down from my Spanish ancestors who were known for many things cruel and vain, but also their unparalleled generosity and hospitality.
I will write a multi-generational story about the women of my family because they are the knots in my magic cord that spiders into my wise Goddess lineage. In this story I will walk in the shoes of the women in my womb – those who have gone before, those who walk with me and those who will come after me.